The Story of the Fan Girls
by nitaBOT
Summary: Two crazy fan girls, Mary-Sue, and two poor fictional characters are the product of two very bored minds ready to make fun of themselves. Written by nitaBOT and her friend, Kris Kros


Large, chocolate brown eyes stayed keenly on the handsome young man. The diminutive figure darted behind trees and trash cans, staying close enough to see him. The figure was dressed in all black yet it was daylight out so it was not very good camouflage, although the tall young man didn't seem to notice her, he continued his stroll in the peaceful park, completely unaware he was being stalked.

The small, scrawny figure raised a walky-talky to her mouth, "FG2, I have R.J. in sight. Repeat. I have R.J. in sight. What do I do now?" It sounded like she was playing a game.

While the girl waited for a reply she started to play with her auburn hair that was stopped just below her shoulders. She found a ringlet and proceeded to wrap it around her finger continuously.

The girl's hair was a mystery. It was straight in some places, in others it was wavy and in on other places, it was curly. Not to mention it all was frizzy.

"FG2 to FG1, move in and capture R.J. I'll be watching. If anything goes wrong, I'll be here to back you up. FG2 out," said a female voice from the walky-talky.

The girl nodded, not really noticing that the person with the other walky-talky could not see her. She slipped out from behind the park bench that she had taken cover behind and stealthily darted behind the young man. She readied herself then pounced, wrapping her arms around his waist and screamed, "You'll have to pry him from my cold dead fingers if you want him!"

The young man was at least five feet and eleven inches while the girl stood at five feet three inches. With her arms wrapped around his waist she lifted her feet from the ground and hung there.

"What the hell!?" The young man's voice was deep and smooth. Even surprised it was sexy and seductive.

The girl looked up at him with her large brown eyes and said, "Marry me, Remus J. Lupin!"

His eyes widened, showing his entire iris, golden, like a wolf's. "Uhhh… No."

The girl pouted and proceeded to cry.

A tall, lanky girl came out from behind the nearby bushes. "Damn you! I want to go to your-" Here she fell flat on her face in the grass. There was nothing around that could have tripped her. The black haired girl pushed herself up off the ground. "Bloody clumsiness. Hate it. As I was saying, I want to go to your wedding. Marry her, damn it!" Her stormy brown eyes glared at Remus.

"You can come to our wedding," said the auburn haired girl said sweetly as if Remus hadn't refused to marry her.

Remus was looking from one girl to the other. "Who the hell are you people!?"

The tall, lanky girl laughed nervously and looked at Remus with shifty eyes, "Fan girls?" She said it like it was almost a question.

Remus groaned.

"This is not good." The lanky girl looked about, "Where's Sirius?"

A tall, dark haired young man appeared beside the lanky girl. "Here, why? And who are you?"

At that moment the girl threw herself at him and wrapped her arms around his waist. This was slightly awkward because she had to bend down to hug his waist, she was roughly three inches shorter than him and he stood at six feet.

The girl hugging Remus happily said, "Fan girls."

Sirius looked at Remus in horror. "Get the bloody hell off me!" Sirius attempted to push the girl hugging him off but she was stronger that she appeared. The girl hugging him buried her face in his chest and said something but it was muffled. It sounded like "no".

Remus looked at Sirius with sad golden eyes, "I was going to tell you to run but… It's too late now…"

The girl hugging Remus gasped, "Oh my god! We can have a double wedding!"

The other girl gasped as well, "Oh my god! You're right!"

Remus tried once again to free himself of the girl wrapped around his waist. "I am not-" he tried prying her arms away, "Marrying you!"

"Yes you are," said the girl around Remus's waist.

Sirius looked confused. "What? A wedding? No way in bloody hell am I going to marry a deranged fan girl!"

The girl on Sirius clung to him tighter and said, "Yes you are!"

Sirius started struggling tot get away. "Let go of me!"

The girl shook her head then made a sudden realization. "They have to wear suits. They are going to be so sexy!"

Both girls squealed with delight.

Sirius made another attempt to get rid of the girl latched on to him. Remus saw him trying and offered to help, "When I get this one off me I'll help you." He also tried to get the girl around his waist off but in vain.

The auburn haired girl sighed and stared dreamily up at Remus, "You are so sexy…"

Sirius gave a yell of irritation, "What the hell!? Do you two even have names!?"

The lanky girl looked up at him. "I am Fan Girl Two."

"And I am Fan Girl One," said the other girl matter-o-factly.

Sirius groaned, "Merlin, they're insane."

"I hate fan girls," said Remus.

"So do I. GET OFF ME YOU BLOODY TWIT!"

Fan Girl Two looked up at him with her large, dark brown eyes and sniffed. Tears started pouring from her eyes and she made stifled little noises against Sirius's chest.

A gorgeous blonde haired, blue eyed, tall girl walked up to the four. "Excuse me! Who do you think you are!? Sirius and Remus love me 'cause I'm the most beautifully sexy girl in the universe. And I'm perfect! My name is Mary-Sue!"

Sirius looked at Mary-Sue like he was about to toss his lunch on her, his half digested lunch that is. "On second thought, I'll take Fan Girl 2."

Mary-Sue gasped, "No! She is brainwashing you! I'll kill her with my drop-dead gorgeous looks!" Mary-Sue struck a pose and glared at Fan Girl Two.

Remus rolled his eyes, "What the hell is happening here?

Sirius's jaw dropped. Did this girl actually think her looks could kill? "You," he said pointing to Mary-Sue, "Are more insane than her." When he said 'her' he pointed to Fan Girl Two.

Fan Girl Two looked hopefully up at Sirius. "Does that mean you'll marry me?"

Mary-Sue looked angry. "Hey!"

Sirius grimaced. "Y-," He couldn't bring himself to say it. "Yes." He sighed like he had been relieved of pain. Then he looked down to see Fan Girl Two smiling up at him and he groaned.

"Awesomeness! Is it going to be a double wedding then?" Fan Girl One almost let go of Remus and jumped about with joy, but she didn't. She stayed glued to Remus.

Remus sighed. "If you let me go, fine."

"No!" Mary-Sue franticly shook her head so he understood she was not going to let him marry Fan Girl One.

"How the hell did I get into this mess? I'm too sexy for all this trouble." Sirius sighed. He really was sexy and he knew it.

Fan Girl Two replied, "That's why you're in this mess, because you're sexy."

"I'm too smart for all this trouble." Remus tried again to pry Fan Girl One from him.

"You're sexy, too!" Fan Girl One reassured him.

Fan Girl Two gave a big grin. "Sirius is very sexy, so is Remus…But…" Fan Girl Two tried to find a reason that made Sirius sexier and found she didn't have one. She liked both of them equally. She shrugged. "Oh well, at least I have you, Sirius."

"No! Why aren't you dying from my beauty!?" Mary-Sue pouted. "I know! I will enchant you with my super good singing voice!" Mary-Sue started singing. It was the loveliest thing anyone had ever heard, but both Fan Girls, Remus and Sirius found it sickening.

"Make. Her. Stop." Sirius managed to say between gags. He was grimacing; his stomach and ears protested the sound.

Remus covered his ears and shouted, "It burns!"

Fan Girl Two looked at Mary-Sue and scowled. "Bitch!" Fan Girl Two tackled Mary-Sue to the ground and started ripping at her hair and clawing at her face. Mary-Sue's make-up was also ruin in the process.

Mary-Sue cried out, "No! My beautiful, perfect face! What have you done!?" She covered her face. "Now I need more money from Daddy for more plastic surgery!"

Fan Girl One looked at Mary-Sue skeptically, "I thought you looked fake."

Fan Girl Two giggled and went back to hugging Sirius.

He sighed, "Okay, maybe you're not so bad after all."

Mary-Sue ran away, crying and covering her ruined face.

Remus looked down at Fan Girl One. "I though I told you to get off me. If you don't, I won't marry you"

Fan Girl One nodded and released Remus.

Fan Girl Two let out a squeal. "I'm marrying Sirius _and_ it's a double wedding!"

Sirius looked at Remus, then at Fan Girl One, than down at Fan Girl Two. "Could you let go of me?" Fan Girl Two shook her head.

"You'll run away."

"No I won't. You saved me from Mary-Sue."

Fan Girl Two thought this over and smiled slyly, "Okay." She stopped hugging him.

There was a small '_click_' that went unnoticed by everyone but Fan Girl Two.

"This is so exciting," Fan Girl One said, jumping up and down, "I love happy ending, and you, Remus." Fan Girl One looked around when she didn't get a response. "Hey! Where'd he go?" Remus Lupin had fled the scene.

Sirius called out, "Don't leave me here!" He tried walking away but something was attached to his arm, Fan Girl Two. She had handcuffed Sirius Black to her and smiling widely.

Fan Girl One started crying, "Oh no!"

Fan Girl Two turned her attention to her friend and scowled, "How _dare_ that Remus Lupin!" Then she thought for a moment and smiled. "Oh well, he'll come back to 'rescue' Sirius, and when he does, you can handcuff him to you. Here, I brought a second pair just in case."

"You're insane! Get these off me! Let me go! I refuse to marry you!" Sirius continued to protest against the cuffs but, he didn't know where the key was.

Fan Girl One grinned evilly, "I have a plan! I'll hide behind a tree and then jump out and cuff him to me when he comes back!"

Sirius looked at both Fan Girls, "What!? I'll warn him before you even get close!"

"No you won't," said Fan Girl One.

"Sirius, stop being so…Just shut up," Fan Girl Two gagged him as she said this. "There, now you can't talk."

Fan Girl One giggled and ran off to hide behind a tree.

-

Remus stopped running and looked at the distant figures behind him. They were the figures of the Fan Girls and Sirius. He thought for a moment.

"I shouldn't have left Sirius all alone with those insane Fan Girls. I guess I have to go and rescue him."

He hesitantly started walking toward the three figures then turned around and continued running. He stopped and looked back. The figures were almost out of sight. Guilt welled up in the pit of Remus's stomach.

He sighed, "I'm coming back for you Sirius!"

-

Fan Girl Two spotted a figure running towards her. "He's coming back! I see him!" Fan Girl One kept quite.

Fan Girl Two hugged Sirius. "We're going to have a double wedding."

"I'm here to get Sirius back! Uncuff him!"

Fan Girl Tow looked at him with feigned anger, "No! He's mine!"

Remus looked around. "Where's Fan Girl One?"

Fan Girl looked at him with shifty eyes, "I don't know…'

Sirius struggled to say something, "Mmmmhmmm!!! Hmmmmhmmm!!!"

Remus looked at Sirius, "What is it?"

Sirius tried again but all his words were muffled.

Fan Girl One snuck up behind Remus grinning like a maniac. She had to fight to control herself. She wanted to giggle badly. She had readied the handcuffs; one was already latched around her wrist. She darted to his wrist and there was a small '_click_'.

Fan Girl Two ungagged Sirius and giggled along with Fan Girl One. "Now we're going to have a double wedding!"

"Damn it! Why the hell do I have to be such loyal friend!?"

Sirius picked up Fan Girl Two and threw her over his shoulder. "We are not having a bloody double wedding! We are not even having a bloody wedding! I am not marrying you. Period."

"Hey! Where are you taking me?!" Fan Girl Two struggled to get down.

"I am going to get some power tools and I am going to remove these cuffs and I am going to free myself from you!"

"No! Stop! Wait!! Put me down!!!"

Remus looked at Sirius. "Good idea." And with that, he threw Fan Girl One over his shoulder.

Both Fan Girls shouted out and struggled.

"Hey!'

"No!"

Fan Girl Two started crying hysterically. "But I love you, Sirius!"

"And I love you, Remus!"

Both Sirius and Remus yell, "Oh shut up!"

"But," Fan Girl Two said between sobs and sniffs, "I… love….you."

Sirius sighed. "You're making me feel guilty so shut up."

"Don't let her get to you Padfoot." Remus said warningly.

"I won't. I won't." Sirius said dismissively.

"But…But, Remus," Fan Girl One said weakly.

Then came Fan Girl Two's voice, whining and sad, "No wedding, no double wedding. I won't marry Sirius, ever. This day turned out awful. My love isn't even appreciated. I was called a deranged fan girl. All I wanted to do was marry Sirius Black." She was talking to herself, unaware that she was talking, not thinking.

Fan Girl One sighed, "At least Mary-Sue was defeated."

Remus and Sirius looked at each other. They both felt the guilt.

Sirius and Remus stopped walking and put both Fan Girls down.

"I will marry you on one condition," Sirius said, holding one finger up. "Don't… hug me. And don't bind me to you in any physical way.

Remus nodded. "Same goes for me."

"You mean it?" Fan Girl Two said hopefully.

"Really?" Fan Girl One looked like she was about to burst with joy.

Sirius and Remus nodded and grimaced.

The girls hugged each other and said in unison, "A double wedding!" The girls uncuffed Remus and Sirius.

Remus and Sirius rubbed their wrist where the cuffs had been.

Fan Girl Two shouted, "Yay!"

The End

"Did they live happily ever after?" said a small child with large golden eyes. "Did they?"

"Yes, they did. They lived happily ever after," said Fan Girl Two. She looked over at a tall man and smiled.

"After all, the Fan Girls did love Sirius and Remus very much. They were just a bit eccentric," said Sirius.

Remus and Fan Girl One laughed and hugged each other. Sirius gave Fan Girl Two a small kiss on the cheek.

The small children surrounding the four adults 'ewwwed' and giggled.


End file.
